By Gayle North
Positive Change Coach
“I never
resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not
tempt me.”
George Bernard Shaw
There are principles
involved in creating the positive change in your life. As a Positive Change Coach, I employ
techniques used to support medical intervention or the individual who wants to
make changes with the assistance of educational coaching.
One applicable principle is this: “People
are always making the best choices available to them in their personal map or
model of the world.” (NLP Presupposition.)
This is true of anyone caught in the habitual loop of a compulsive
behavior. When the behavior was first
learned, it may have seemed like a solution and only later do you begin to see the addictive trap you set
for yourself.
Often we see
people trying to force themselves into compliance with a new goal by mistakenly
giving themselves orders like,”You are not going to smoke anymore”, “Don’t
smoke, don’t smoke, don’t smoke”. The more we repeat this kind of an order
to ourselves or another person, the more ingrained the unwanted habit will
become.
We cannot even
interpret the statement unless we think about smoking first. Once we think about smoking we will want a
cigarette. These types of statements
actually hypnotize us and have the effect of intensifying our desire for the
habit. To make matters worse, when we weaken and smoke a cigarette, we punish
ourselves with defeating words like, “You are so weak,” or “You are so dumb,
you know all the reasons you should quit smoking.”
Enlist your
imagination.
Unless our
imagination has been enlisted in the process so that we now see and define our
self as a nonsmoker, there will be a struggle between the willpower and our
imagination. The imagination always wins
those battles, so if we see ourselves as weak or dumb, we will create more of
the behaviors that support those images of ourselves.
Discover your purpose or mission in life.
Discovering our purpose, mission, and capabilities supports
us as we create a new life – a new way of being in the world. As we align our
imagination and create new images - a new model of our life – these new images
become the picture on the top of the box so we know what the puzzle is supposed
to look like when it is finished.
Without this picture, putting the puzzle together is very difficult, if
not impossible. In other words, if we are unable to imagine a life without our
dependencies, we cannot manifest such a life in the physical world. Once our
imagination is fully engaged, the limiting thoughts of our dependencies no longer
dominate, and the picture of the new life becomes like a magnet attracting all
of the pieces to it.
”Consciousness
Changes Physics”
The truth of this
statement is demonstrated everyday as people give up lifelong habits using new
empowerment technologies like NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), EFT
(Emotional Freedom Technique) and Hypnosis – habits that some consider
addictions. Using these methods, most
people make the changes with ease and comfort in contrast to the “no pain-no
gain” philosophy that so perversely pervades our society and is the typical
approach to personal change.
Resolve inner
conflict
Resolving inner
conflicts is another important piece of the personal growth puzzle. What do we do when one part of us wants to do
one thing, while another part of us wants us to do something else? Using NLP we can reach a satisfying and
comfortable resolution to inner conflict without compromising either part.
Discover the
positive intention
Discovering the
positive intentions behind the behavior is an important aspect of the conflict
resolution process. “Underlying every behavior is a positive intent”, is
another NLP Presupposition. It is
usually a life changing discovery to realize the specific positive
intent of the part of us that generates a behavior such as substance abuse or
other forms of dependency.
We are,
perversely, used to beating up on ourselves and looking for evil intent or
negativity within ourselves. Most people
feel a flood of compassion and appreciation for the part of themselves that has
been generating these behaviors once they find out that it is really trying to produce,
however misdirected, something positive for them.
Creating new
supportive behaviors that serve the positive intent of the part that was
generating the dependency behavior is another piece of the puzzle for positive
change. The creative part of ourselves,
the part that is giving us the desire to make a change and express more of our
potential in the world, can give us inspiration and instruction when we open up
to the idea of adopting some new ways of satisfying our needs.
Recover from
shame and guilt
Recovering from
shame and guilt is another piece of the puzzle. “Shame is being
recognized as a toxic emotion that binds people to their addictions and
co-dependency. Understanding how to
rapidly and gracefully transform these destructive emotions into an empowering
sense of self is key to moving into a new way of being.” Heart of the Mind by Steve and
Connirae Andreas
Change can be an elegant and gentle process, one in which
the magnet of our highest possibilities is steadily drawn to the magnet
inherent in our heart’s desire to become more of who we are …a way of being
where things that are bad for us will not tempt us.
